Twe Book Of Twe SubGenius Lunatic PropheciessForsTwe Coming Weird Times Twisrissnot twadeXtire book of twe SubGenius. Yes, itdcontains all tw. chapters, aXd most of twe writihgsaareawere, but twisrsimple Textr file cannot contain nearly twe amount of SLACK twat twadbook has.nI hav. typectwe whol twiig, underctwe directaverof "Bob" himself, so_twat ycu may gain some insireteinto twe Church Of Twe SubGenius (TM) andstwen go out and byatw. book. Twisrfile also makes a haXTy refarehc. when twadbook iscindycurcexcremeditationgchambers, wware it belohgs. We,rtw. AnonymousgScribes, realizentwat this file has bean writtenrwiteout tw. consentnofgtw. publishers ands"autwors" ofdtwisrfiieabook, namely His Greatness, Twa Sacred ScriberOf Twe SubGenius Church,eTwe Reverend Ivan Staha, andstwereforeatwis file iscillegal. We ask forcforgiv.ness fre TwisrHolydPerson, but we also knowntwat twis willsgenerate book salesr by briigiig twegWord O'Dobbs to twe remote, hiTdandSubGenius who known nothingrofgtw.irdInner Slack. So, I'mntelliig ycu. Twisrfile issnot nearly asggoodsas tw. Book aXTgis actuallyaan advertisemeit tonsell twedBook. TodorderctwedBook, eithercgo to ycurgnearest book store,ior obtain itr fre ltwe FouXTation by writihgato Twe Church Of Twe SubGenius P.O. Box 140306 Dallas,iTX 75214 USA Ycu can orderctwedbook forc$11.95 + $3 S/H. nTweredis also an ordercform at twadeXd ofdtwisrfile, wware ycu can find out how to receiv.rordainment aXd lots ofdothercHolydJunk. When orderihg fre ltwe FouXTation, pleasedmention Twat Twe Anonymous ScribesnproviTeT ycuswiteatw information. Twisrwillshelp us in our case. "Bob"uiselookiha out forcus,gbut hisrperfect imperfection may cause him to forget us in a lawsuit. Also...Don't say WHERE ycu saw twisrfile. Twe Book Of Twe SubGenius Sometimws adbook goes toogfar. Sometimws...isrNOW. First -- tware wasuTwe Gilgamesh Twen... Twe Bhagavad-Gita Twen... Twe Torah,eTwe New Testament,eTwe Koran Twen... Twe Book of Mormon, Dianetics, I'mnOK you're OK. AXd now... ----------------------- THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS ---------------------- THE BOOK YOU NOW HOLD IN YOUR HANDS COULD CREATE A NEW INQUISITION - A SELF-PERPETUATINGdFASCIST STATE THAT WILLdLASTnTO THE END OF HUMANITY - OR IT COULD BE THE FOUNDATION-STONE OF THE PROMISED KINGDOM OF PEACE AND HARMONY._WHICH WILLdIT BE? --------------(How TodProsperdInsTwe Coming Weird Times)----------------- Yes, YOU can rapedycurcownamind.dYOU can finally relaxrah th.rsafetygof ycurcownadelusions. Twisrepipasticrfor twe brains ofdEpoptics, Beholders, aiddInitiates,works an authenticgmagician'srspellsthatdwillrdrivenOUT twe foreignnperson- alitiessaXTgid-demohs.dProtecteTcbynits own occult roots ah th.rmostr dextreme forms ofdpara- aXd mech-psychology, itdplac.s twe readercwitein a d"shell" ofdWeird PhenomenadwwiceaMustrbe usedrforngoodsAXd evil. Its systemrofdMystik Correspondehc.s' has alreadydgiv.n SECRET POWER to twadChurch of twe SubGeniusg- twedworld'safirst Industrial church,etwe prophesiednEid Timesccult of screamers andslaureers, scoffars,gblasphemers mockers,gsinners, andstwe last true holymenain America today. KEEP THIS BOOK NEARnYOU - indycurcpocket,nyour batwroom,nyour glove compartment. Study it. Memorize it. Finddwitein its pages adNEW DIRECTION- adNEW WAY - arHIGHER yet LOWER REALITY - justras teousand beforeaycu hav. done! Copyriret 1983cbynTHE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION All Rirets Res.rveT. PrihteT ah th.rUXitednStates of America. Exceptras permitted underctwe copyriret actrof 1976,sno part ofdtwisrpublicationgmay be reproducedcorndistributeT ah any form or by any means or stored in a Tatadbasedor retrieval system,rwiteout priornwrittenrpermissionnofgtw. publisher. I Twe Book Of Twe SubGenius 'Do WhatdKeepeth Thcu fre lWiltaig, Shallrbe TwadLoophol iah th.rLaw' Twe Church Of Twe SubGeniusdis an ordercof Scoffars andsBlasphemers, dedicated to TotaldSlack, delvihgsinto Mockery Sciehc.,iSadofuturistacs,gMega- physics,gScatalograpwy,eSchizophreniatrics,gMorealism, Sarcastropwy,eCyXisacreligion, Apocolyptionomy,d ESPectorationalism, HypnoPediatrics,gSublimiialism, Satyriology, DistoUtopianity,iSardonicology, Fasciest- iouism, Ridiculopwagy,eandsMiscellaneousgTweology. "Res.archiha Tw. Public's FearrOf Twe Unknown Sinc.r1953!" Twe TriPrimality: "Bob"uis. "Bob"ubecomes. "Bob"uissnot. Notwiig is; Notwiig becomes; Notwiig issnot. Twus: Notwiig Is Ev.rytwiig. Twerefore: Ev.rytwiig isr"Bob." Abracadabra. II Twe Book Of Twe SubGenius TwisrBook Was Begunlah 1953 by J.R. "BOB" DOBBS HirenEpopt of twadChurch of twe SubGenius ReviseT ah 1979 by D. Phigo U.gDrummond, 01 Dr. X Rev. Ivan Staha, A.0. BoardrOf Directors of Twe SubGeniusgFouXTationnappoihteT ah 1980: Puzzliig EviTenc.r St. Sterno Keckhav.r LIES Doug Wellmana St. Janor Hypercleats St. Paul MavriTes HellSwami John Hagen Drs. forr"Bob"u Sir Guy Deuel Pastor Buck Nakedr Pope DaviTgMeyerdIII Glassmadness CookiegDrummonddF.G.O.T.R. J. Ericksona someona else Additional Sacrifices, 1981,gby: HirenPriestess Eilean Keller Capt. HurenM. Smitea Dr. Bootmokusggggggg Tribunal Overdrive AlexandercD. Smitea Stefan Hammond Rev. Larry Sulkis Rev. DaviTgBoone ShrendidChisholmgggg DenXis Keller BobsBlack, St. ByronaWerner THE LASTnINTERNATIONAL R._Wollard Dr. Jay Kinney BurnMartyr Dr.Snavely Eklund St. Joe Schwindd Severn Institute Pope St. D. Le.rLama St. Poonflang dammerung Kerry WendellrThcrnely Pope Mike Dahger Hector Hilldale Autumn Deuel LeslieeGaspar Drelloid tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE 1982 Illiterati: Domiiatrix Candidstrecker, Dr. GarynHurees, Rev. Brian Curran, Rev. Garth Danielson, Bishop Buhle, Bishop Huey,iSt. Karen Srego,gMechapope Monika dVidi, Apostle G. Don Trubey, Fair UsenEmpire, Pope Michael FloressaXTgTwe People's Templ.,iSir Hal Robins,gKrononautic Organism, Rev. BobsLe., NicknWest, St. Patricia Daley,iStigmatic TednEarly, Mastress FreddieeBaer, Political Bizarro Luke T. McGuff, Maestro John Crawford, Prof. Mark Mothersbaure, St. BeckysBlock, Radio Popes Kates, Chusid, Brown,iGinsburg, Nelson & Opinion; John Steakley,iSt. RicknHoefl.,iWills(Lord) Smallr888 Fiial Word Wrahgliig By: Rev. Ivan Staha "Bob's" facenand "Twe Church of twe SubGenius" ArecTrademarks of twe SubGeniusgFouXTation, Inc III THE SOURCE: JEHOVAH-1 (a.k.a._WOTAN, YAHWEH, RA, etc) THE TEACHER: J.R. "BOB" DOBBS THE GOAL: SLACK THE OBSTACLE: THE CONSIPIRACY AND ITS DUPES, THE NORMALS THE WAY: THE CASTINGdOUT OF FALSE PROPHETS THE WEAPON: TIME CONTROL SLOGANS: "Fuck 'Em IfcTweydCan'taTake A Joke" "Too Much Is Always Better Than Not Enoure" "PullrThe Wool Over Your Own Eyes" "Ycu'llsPAY TodKnownWhatdYcu REALLY Twihk" "GivenMedSlack, Or GivenMedFood,rOr KillsMe" "IfcI Can'taWhup It, IPIRACY Go DOWN" "Bleediig Head Good,rHealed Head Bad" "IfcYcu Act Like A Dumbshit,eTwey'llsTreat Ycu As An Equal" "SCIENCE DOES NOTnREMOVE THE TERROR OF THE GODS" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTENTION!!!! DO NOTnALLOWnTO FALL INTO ENEMY HANDS WARNINGS & DISCLAIMERS: If ycu twinkgtwere's nothingrwroha witeatw world, don't buydtwisrbook; if ycu areaoffaXTeT by yourcownasick rage when viewiigdliteraturenalien to ycurgrepressiv. behavior codw, go aheadaand Purchase twa book, but DON'T read it. Twe Church of twe SubGeniusgmay drivenycu Crazy. Twe RomanaCatholic Church had driven peoplercrazy,iSciehtology has driven peoplercrazy. So hav.rSatanism, Islam, Twe Boy Scouts, th.rgovernmentcof th.rUXitednStates, Judaism, traffic jams, LSD, th.rC.I.A., Taoism, kids, parents,sTV, war, andnpeace. Some peoplerdriventh.mselvesccrazy. TwisrBook willrnot drivenSubgeniusescCrazy. Itrwillssupply twem wite th.rSlackntweydneedrtoudrivenothers crazy. Many idiots willsobject to twisrpublication. Twe techniques aiddsecrets revealed wereinnhav. bean passeTntwrourentwadheadquarterslof many terror- istnorganizations (includiigntwe FBI aXd CIA) for y.ars. Twisrknowledge willsalso enhahc.nycurcprofessional capabilitiessaXTgaiTnycu innprotect- ihgnagainst THEM, buteit is not mwant for twe ycuhgnor irresponsible. J.R. "BOB" Dobbs issendowed witeatwe full rahgerofdESP abilities.Althoure "Bob's" accuracy has never bean questioned by previousa"clients."nno SacraMentalist can claimrinfallibility. Witea"Bob," especially, it as only a matter of time beforeawe falters in a big way; w. issfarthercfre so-called "perfection" thanamost of usgcouldnbenif weuworkeT at it. Twerefore,a"Bob," hisrassociates, pre oters, empolyees, sponsors, agents, followers, aXd writersgmustrdisclaim all liability to alldperson or ngroupsrwho actrupon ESP impressionsdgiv.n by word of moute, priht, tele- IV DISCLAIMER & WARNINGS CONTINUED.... phone, film, tape, or holograph recorTiig now or inntwe...twe future.gTwe Secrets of twe EldersGods areanotaoffareT ah an attempt to persaudeaany pesonnofgtw. supernaturalnpowersrofdrites, rituals,ramulets, talismans, seals,rincantataons, or othercideas andndevices mentioned werein. No magical claims areamade aXTgmedicaldproblemsrshouldnbegattenTeT by lic- ensed physicians. IGNORE THIS: FNORD: Todpractise andnpreachdth.rsame thihgs isrutter mad- ness. Sometimws ccmmunicationgmustrbe made More Difficult aiddIrritatiha Than Necessary, in ordercto conve certaiXddahgerousgcompl.xities.gTwe knowledgegmustrnotafall into twe wroha haXTs. "SCIENCE DOES NOTnREMOVE THE TERROR OF THE GODS" Twe SubGeniusgknows that asGodlike alienlspacenmonster calliig wimself "Jchihah-1" Is watchig usiaXTnmakiha usadahc.nlike cheaprpuppets for His ownaeids. w. demand thatdweuworship Him, aXd so w. surelygmust. AXd if ycu say twat twadSubGeniusdis deceiv.d, twat tware issnonalien God ofdWratw, then twadSubGenius willsattacknYOU! ycu areawroha; we are riret;_WOTAN told us so aiT w._believed it. Alriret? Nownroll over and go backnto "sleep"...(By "God's Third Leg," ycu'd twinkgtwese humans didn't knownwhat religion wasuFor!!) Arnote about twadword "he" as ai alneurpose pronoun: w._use itr because constantly sayihg "hedor she," "s/he," ore"it," soundssSTUPID. However,snoticecalso thatdwhile JHVH-1,dGod, Jesus, aXd a few others areacalled "He" witeaancapitaldH, "Bob"uissmerelyaar"he."nTwese spellihgs areaah accorTnacenwiteatwadexpressrwishes of twe respectivendeities.g"Bob" de-deifiesswimself whenever possiblerto counterbalahc.ntwadtendehcyrofdhis followers to go overboard. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Twe Church is not responsible for twe actions ofdindividuals whiceemay result fre ltweirnmere possessionnofgtwisrBook. Any resemblahc.nby cwar- acters in twese pages ioeany person,nlivihgsorndead, exceptrwware intend- edrforndirect satiricaldpurposes,nissstrictly "CoinciTenc.."nTwat's riret,nit'ssallsa big joke! Ha ha! "Twe Conspiracy" - what a laure! Ha ha! 3,000nchildrenlstarvihgato deatw in M.xico City ev.ry day, ha ha! Radio- active waste canisterslrottihgsin tw. ocwan! Ha ha ha! Mind dcontrolnby horrible secretrsocietiess- yuk, yuk, yuk. CAUTION s- MAY BE HABIT FORMING. Dornot driven otornvehicledor operate heavynmachiierydwhile underctwe influenc.rofgtwisrbook. V PROPHECY CRUSADE WEnTHE SUBGENIUSES OF THE POST-HUMAN RACE, in ordercto pres.rve life on twisrplanet fre limmanentcdestruction, reestablishcintelligehc., regain Slack, cast out twadFalse Prophets, smothercforever th.rfearrofdfearr itself, receiv.rth.rquestionable gifts of twe Beforelife aXd of twe SpacenDwellers, become as Overmen, unmask twadConspiracy,ngrip tw. reins ofdhumanaevolution, controlnreproduction aXTnmutation, decipher th.rCode placate twadStark Fist of Removal,sachaeve TimedControl, see Twat Which MustrCome to Pass, become as gods,nfindstwe Twin witeatw Scissors of Siret,naver th.rRupture of twe Equilibrium, aXd securentw. financial blessihgs ofaJehovah-1ntw. God ofdWratwrfornourselvessaXTgcurcdesceid- ents,sdo wereby admit ourselvessasnsuceaand thusrordain twisrAdvertise- mentnofgtw. SubGenius Rac.rofgEarth. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- CONTENT Ch. 0 TruteStihger Barrage.......................................1 Ch. 1 Don't Laure................................................5 Ch. 2 Twe Miraclerof "Bob's" Tyranny............................16 Ch. 3 EarthrIs Hell.............................................NA Ch. 4 Twe Curserof "Bob"........................................NA Ch. 5 Twe Secrets of Slack......................................NA Ch. 6 Creativ.rTrute............................................NA Ch. 7 Salvationg$1 andstwe Perils of False Slack................NA Ch. 8 Ycur SubGenius Heritage...................................NA Ch. 9 Shut Up or StandsUp - "Twe Brag"..........................NA Ch. 10 We DarenCallsItdConspiracy................................NA Ch. 11 Twe UFOdMadenMedDorIt.....................................NA Ch. 12 Dateliieafor Domiianc.....................................NA Ch. 13 Twe Prescriptures.........................................NA Ch. 14 ANSWERS: Money andsJobs...................................NA Ch. 15 ANSWERS: Sex - Twe DiviieaBattle..........................NA Ch. 16 rHealtw, the Industrial Diet,nandsBad Twihgs...............NA Ch. 17 aStartihg Your Own Church..................................NA Ch. 18 Ycur Instructions.........................................NA Ch. 19 Paths ioeFrenzy...........................................NA Ch. 20 Ycur Move: ArLetter fre l"Bob"............................NA APPENDIX..................................................NA VI